Archive for January, 2014

My mind is a mess right now

Posted in Batt Rantts with tags , on January 31, 2014 by shebatt
Every complement given, every kind word, every bit of advice is taken in like entropy feeding the monster that is the black hole of my logic, my reason and my broken ego. Regurgitated fragments of your kindness spit out in nonsense, insults, or the ever classic “that is exactly not what I wanted to say”

Stupid falls out of my mouth like a tidal wave drowning my spirit, making me believe I will never be able to tell you how I truly feel.
Confusion still lingers in me, left behind by damage I am trying to heal. I should just keep my mouth shut, I should keep away from you, I should give up hope, until I am someone else again, until she returns.  I morn the loss of my true self. The confident, the resilient, the person I want you to see.

Advertisements

A Recent Chat With a Friend

Posted in Batt Rantts with tags , on January 31, 2014 by shebatt

I was chatting on line with a friend. I happened to ask when their birthday was. They said the date; it was the same day as the person, I had written “Missing You” about. I then told my friend about the subject/person of the poem. It just felt so poetic I had to copy and put it someplace. I decided to put it here.

A love of mine that I had to let go of

he was one of the people hurt after I left my husband

me, him, my husband, many others…

he and I had been friends for years

and we knew we were madly in love

but when it came time to decide what we wanted

we wanted different things

he wanted a mother for his kids

I wanted to see the world and find a new adventure

he could not ask me to stay and I could not ask him to go

when he died I felt like the universe had broken a promise to us both

it had robbed us of the chance to ever be together again

that was quite awhile ago by the way

but the amount of love we had is something you never forget

most people are lucky if they ever have that

sorry I can’t talk about it any more

it is just something I hold dear and I don’t normally share it

but if it makes any difference I was born in December

I don’t believe it does

are you still there?

great I should erase everything I just said