My mind is a mess right now

Every complement given, every kind word, every bit of advice is taken in like entropy feeding the monster that is the black hole of my logic, my reason and my broken ego. Regurgitated fragments of your kindness spit out in nonsense, insults, or the ever classic “that is exactly not what I wanted to say”

Stupid falls out of my mouth like a tidal wave drowning my spirit, making me believe I will never be able to tell you how I truly feel.
Confusion still lingers in me, left behind by damage I am trying to heal. I should just keep my mouth shut, I should keep away from you, I should give up hope, until I am someone else again, until she returns.  I morn the loss of my true self. The confident, the resilient, the person I want you to see.


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