Freak

I try so hard to look professional. My tattoos and piercings hidden from corporate America under a uniform of my own making.

I added color to my wardrobe…. cobalt blue and burgundy to off set the black I wear daily. My hair acceptable, my make up suitable.
Ha! So clean cut.

But deep down inside I am still a freak.

It gives me a secret pleasure to know I have fooled them all.
Silly beige people.

I am one of the damaged, one of the broken, one of the mutants. I have untold amount of wounds left from neglect and heart ache. Lacerations from those who never understood my desire for knowledge and my need to be loved.

Now in my life, I am beginning to understand how wonderful it is to be one of the outcasts. We who make this world less boring, and less sad, we should be thanked.

I dream in color and even sometimes in animation, I can see my own image in mirrors in my dreams (which I am told is very rare) and sometimes I can even fly. My mind is scary, dark, mysterious, surreal, vast, complex, detailed, colorful, beautiful, imaginative, brilliant…..all this when I close my eyes.

I hear songs when there are none. I hear the sound of the sun and the winds around the planet and the buzz of life around me. It creates music in my head that my hands have a hard time sharing with instruments.

What my eyes see, is a world fashioned in 40’s noir splashed with the color of modern life. I take photos in hope to share  how I see. Sadly what I see in 3d is not what you see though my lens and somehow a nice shot looses the magic behind it.

But what makes me a freak most of all?  I still believe in love.   I believe in the birth of love in a first kiss. I believe in the passion of still seeing the youthful and beautiful gem you fell in love with under all the revenges of time.

More importantly, I believe we can all find love and compassion for those who have hurt us, and in doing so finding love for ourselves and the freedom we gain when we forgive. The cathartic gives way to springs rebirth.

Yes I am a freak; lonely but not always alone, tragic but not always sad, stunning but never perfect.

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