Archive for July, 2014

About Love

Posted in Just thinking with tags , on July 18, 2014 by shebatt

I have always said the beauty of this world is lost on those who are not in love. When a person is in love they can find magic in anything, but when someone is alone the most magnificent of sunsets can be invisible.

Love is a subjective thing. You can love ice cream, you can love your pet, you can love your mom, but what about being in love? How is that so different then loving your best friend? We all know it is a chemical reaction where the pheromones of one person attracts you more then another. So can we really call that love? I don’t think so but that is just me.

To me, true love is knowing someone so well that you love them past their flaws, not blinded by chemicals (as in love is blind) but to truly see the person for who they are and love them anyways.

I only have a small handful of people in my life like this. My family of course. As a matter of fact, it is my relationships with my father and my siblings that has taught me to love this way.  I would like to think, I see my family for who they truly are. I came to the realization recently that my siblings and I are a bunch of circus freaks without a tent. Well that is to say we are all quirky in our own way. Through the years we have all had our differences and fights like any other family. We have let each other down on small things and disapprove of the others practices, but if push came to shove we would be the first in line to fight for each other.  We all (my siblings and myself) have also had friends come into our lives who have seen this devotion and longed to be a part of it and some of them have. Some of our friends are considered adopted siblings by a few of us.

But back to my point. Love.

I believe I am at the age where I know it is fun to have that chemistry with someone new and feel those new exciting feelings but I also know that is not what lasts and is not what is important. I know this all the more due to things which have happened in the last few years of my life. I have had a few different encounters that have only stressed this all the more to me.

First, I have a few encounters were three different ex-boyfriends have contacted me on different occasions and expressed to me how after this amount of time (each different of course) they realize letting me go was a big mistake. One went as far as to say it was the biggest mistake he ever made in his life. I feel sorry for all of them. The life experiences I have gained from loves lost has taught me you can never go back and why would I want to? They had their chances and I have moved on.

Don’t get me wrong, there is no bitterness, just the realization that I am very far from the women they knew. With some of these loves lost, including the three mentioned above, I have also learned that who they were, was not who I thought they were. I thought they were either as strong as me (and were not), or I thought they were grown ups (when they were only playing at it).

Then in the last few years I have had a couple experiences where I have been told I am not someone’s type. Which always cracks me up on the inside but I am too polite to laugh in front of them. Why does it crack me up? Well, if beautiful, intelligent, creative, incredibly resourceful, can live anywhere (including a small boat for 5 years without proper plumbing), knows how to act at a dinner party, dress for a ball and fix a car without chipping my nail polish, is not your type then either your standards are way too high, way too low, or you are just not seeing the amazing person standing in front of you. Not to mention I have had some pretty shitty things thrown at me in my life some due to my own naivete and others from outside forces, and from all of them I have come out still standing. Strong is an understatement. When I have been given this “You are not my type” speech I pretty much say the same thing in response and that is don’t worry about it. Yes sure it kind of stings to hear but in the long run I know I am better off. Even in the cases of where I am actually attracted to the person, I still know I am better off. How? Just because I am attracted to them does not necessarily mean they are good for me or would make a formidable partner.

Then there are the few married men who in the last few years have chased me. I will not even expound on the cowardice that is a cheater but I will admit I have been tempted and I feel lucky to have missed those bullets. Attraction is a dangerous thing and their lust is not what I need in my world.

Now true Love.

As I have said there are only had a few people in my life other then my family that I can say I have loved truly. No matter what this person has done, no matter the bad choices they have made, I still love them. I don’t mean like kill others or anything as evil as that.
I mean the paths they have decided to take even when those paths have led us apart from each other. These are the friends in my life who I know, no matter what I do they will still love me and I them. They are the people who can tell me straight up that I have done something stupid or I have completely fucked up and I only respect them for it. There are both guy and gal friends who can tell me the truth like that and for them there is a respect that brings that true love.

Then there is the only person who fits in that category where romantic love would also fit in. Well at least I think it might but one never knows until one tries. This is a very dear friend who for some reason has chosen to make me the person he trusts his soul to but not his heart. Which is sad because after having seeing his sorrowful and blue soul his damaged heart is all the more beautiful to me. As if there is a kinship we share. We can go for months, even a year plus and not talk, then the phone rings and it has only been moments since we last talked. But as I said I only think it would work. Who knows.

If I ever do find the person who fits in the true love group and romantic love fits there too then I know that person and I will always bring the best out of each other.

These ideas and thoughts in this blog are just the beginning of what I am guessing is going to be a long hard think and maybe a few more blog entries on a subject I am learning to see in a whole new way.

Love, true love, may we all find it someday.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Something odd in the air

Posted in Batt Rantts with tags on July 8, 2014 by shebatt

There is something odd going on.
My dreams are very vivid this week and very surreal.
They have been kind of dark and unhappy too.

I am not sure if is what I am thinking and my mind is trying to sort it out or if it is something in the air that is leaving me with a strange feeling before I go to bed.