Archive for September, 2014

Someone Who Cares

Posted in Just thinking with tags , on September 30, 2014 by shebatt

This world is a magic place filled with color and beauty. There is no other planet circling our sun which produces
oceans, trees, flower, and animals like ours does.

But this world of men it is dark and cold. It is filled with generals who use their solders like toys, pedophiles who destroy
children and greed which leave people homeless and broken.

I have had a hard life in this world. I was never taught the rules of success, I was never taught to take care of myself.
Then at 27 years old I had to find the adult inside of me and have her take over. My life as I knew it came to an end and
from then I was on my own. I have had help through the years from my wonderful sisters and brother but there have been
times where the struggles of life were all my own to deal with. The universe has never shown me true (romantic) love, it has taken
my chance at having children and left me in some dark and sad places I would never wish on anyone. Life has dished me trials which should have hardened my heart, closed my soul.

In all of this I keep trying. I keep looking. I keep hoping. I really want to believe there is at least one person out
there who is kind and caring. I keep wanting to believe that someplace I can find a person who has learned to balance
self-ful with selfless. Someone who strives to never be part of the problem and learned to become part of the solution.
This person is someone who gives when they can and always tries to find the goodness in others. They try to approach the
world with grace and understanding. A person who is always willing to open their arms to someone who needs them and
never reject the pleas of another who is not toxic and only knows how to do harm. I look for this individual and I have looked for years. I have searched the hearts of so many trying to find that one true person.

And since I have never found them I look to myself.  I strive to become someone who is that perfect person, balanced
between caring and careful, someone understanding and compassionate. Willing to look at the problems of those around them
and know the people they are dealing with need to be approached with all the love which life has taken from them.
If I make the effort at being this person then I believe I have succeeded in life where most others fail.

Emails to the Dead

Posted in Just thinking with tags , , on September 25, 2014 by shebatt

Years ago I had a boyfriend who passed away while we were dating. Months before he passed I had very bad premonitions about his future, I even told him that I did but he did not believe me. I spent the night with him before he died the next morning I did not want to leave and told him there was something wrong, something was going to happen. I remember we had been talking about something (but what I don’t remember now) and when I left he said we would talk about it more later. That night he died. It is a conversation in my life that will never be finished.

I remember thinking to myself if you can schedule and email to be sent out at a future date why can’t you send one to the past? At the time my email program at work had the ability to schedule a send time for a latter time. So if I could write an email to be sent in a week from now why can’t I send one that would go back to a year from now?

This all took place in Feb of 2001. Now years later I still think about that. I still think it would be cool to do.

Now go back even farther back. I had a soul mate when I was living in LA. He is the person I write about now and again here on my blog (May birthday and Missing you) who is also now gone. He and I had written emails back and forth before he passed away. I remember the last one he sent I misunderstood and now wish I could go back and rewrite him. It was not a bad misunderstanding it was just something he said and I mistook it. Again I do wish I could go back and rewrite my response.

I wonder if someday someone I love will be reading this old blog entry from Sept of 2014 and wish the same thing about me.

I guess the lesson here is don’t ever let something go on that needs to be taken care of. Don’t think you have forever to say you are sorry or that you love someone.

 

My GT6

Posted in Just thinking with tags , , on September 15, 2014 by shebatt

Years ago I owned a midnight blue 1968 Triumph GT6, (for you that don’t know what that is, it is a type of car, see photo below) with a personal license plate saying Mean GT6.  It was and still is my all time favorite car. Which is saying a lot since in my life time I have owned about 30 cars and trucks of all different types.

gt6

 

I had many adventures in that car both good and bad, but mostly great. I was sad the day I totaled it on Hwy 17 just north east of Santa Cruz CA. Being a thing I have long since let the disappointment of loosing it go but that does not mean I would not want another if I found one for sale.

One of my favorite moments in that car is mixed with bad and happy memories. It was 1992, Los Angeles, California and the city was a mess of riots due to the Rodney King trial.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1992_Los_Angeles_riots

I was living in Sherman Oaks, which is a nicer neighborhood but I was just on the edge of Van Nuys, so not as nice an area. The riots had brought the national guard to our streets and curfew to our lives. The uniforms were standing at the end of my block with guns at ready.  It felt like the world was coming to an end for me, since at that exact time in my life I was going through the personal hell called divorce. My marriage of 7 years was coming to an ugly end. My husband and I were fighting battles right in our own living room with no escape to outside. No place felt safe at that time.

One afternoon while off of work I decided to drive up to a friends house/cabin located in the little town of Frazier Park, which is up the grapevine hwy and tucked into the mountains about an hour or so from my house. I just had to leave the valley. My dear friend Jon (who was also going though a person hell/separation at the time) was with me and also just needed to get away from the negative feelings which hung like wool over the area. The drive up over the grapevine was beautiful and refreshing. Neither of us said much we both just watched the trees and mountains go by.

As we pulled off the freeway and stopped at the red light at the end of the off ramp, I looked into my review mirror. There behind me was a Triumph TR3 an even more rare car than mine. Next to me was a Triumph Spitfire and behind him another Triumph. The next thing we know we are surrounded by Triumphs. It was a very surreal moment. Here I was in this incredibly rare car surrounded by others just as rare as mine, made by the same company.

The drivers of the other cars were looking at me with a “who the hell are you?” look, while Jon and I looked at them thinking “Where the hell did you all come from?” We were all on the same freeway, why did we not see them there while driving? The light changed and the next thing we know they were all gone as quickly as they came. To this day I don’t know where they went. They did not follow us into town or even follow us off the freeway. I have a feeling they saw us while on a Road Rally and pulled off the freeway when we did thinking we were part of it and maybe having issues with our car or something. When they saw we were not part of their group they went straight though the light and got back on the freeway. Again I did not see where they went, they were just gone. I am guessing as to where they went.

Jon and went to my friends house and hung out for a short while but he was feeling ill at ease and so we left.  We were both a little beside ourselves those days so I understood his wanting to leave.

I will never forget that day. It was a moment of bazaar coincidences in a stressful time.

Another funnier GT6 story yet to come…..

 

 

The Song on the Radio

Posted in Just thinking with tags , on September 11, 2014 by shebatt
the song on the radio is playing bitter sweet memories

filling me with tears of love lost and joy misplaced.

is it the reminders of times so dear that keep us going in times of trouble
or is it the hope of happiness to come that keep us striving?