Archive for Memories

Ghosts

Posted in Just thinking with tags , on August 25, 2017 by shebatt

I think I have stated on my blog (maybe it was my travel blog), I don’t really believe in ghost but I do believe there is something out there which I have not yet found the scientific explanation for.  With Halloween coming up I thought I would share a ghost story to get everyone ready.

I was raised in a house which had something going on in it which would lead most people to believe in ghosts, I try to remain skeptical about it. But this story is not about a child and her experiences in a haunted house. This story is about an adult who had a share happening with a friend who neither of them can account for today.

While I was in my 20s I had a friend I will call J, who rented the guest house on my sister in laws property. It was a large three bedroom house that sat on the hill side making it so each floor had its own exit that led not to stairs but to the hillside itself. J was not only my pal but good friends with my (ex)husband and his family so it was common for me to be at this house visiting or at my sister in law’s in the main house up the hill from this one.

Just to give you better idea about this house, it is located in Laurel Canyon, in the Hollywood Hills.  Laurel Canyon is known to be a strange place in its own right. My sister in law has told me many stories about how the canyon goes through cycles of months where it is very quite. After these months, out of no where there are multiple fatal accidents in a matter of days and the canyon itself feels different as if everything is at unrest.  Now with my story.

One evening I was over at the rental house hanging out with J.  We were sitting in the living room facing each other sitting on sofas that lined the opposite walls.  The room itself was a long narrow room with the front door at one end and a stairway that was built into the side of the hill at the opposite side of that long room.

The two of us were just chatting. I can’t even remember what it was we were talking about. Considering we both share a love of films, video and photography chances are that is what we were talking about. It was only about 9pm so neither of us were really all that tired.

That is about the time it happened. There was a thud on the front door as if someone had hit it sideways with their fist. Almost as if their hand had glanced off the door as they hit it. It was not loud enough for a real person to have hit it but it was distinctly a thud.

Seconds after the thud I felt pinned down to the sofa I was sitting on, as if something was keeping me from being swept away by the energy that was now sweeping across the room. This energy rushing through felt dark, strong and dangerous. At the time I did not know if it was the pressure of it that was holding me down or something else protecting me. I could feel it rush through the room like a wind had blown the door open and was not causing a gust. But the door remind shut and not a single dust particle was stirring. As a matter of fact for that moment nothing in that room seamed to move at all and time seamed to stand still.

As fast as the energy came in and blew through that room, it just as fast it went up the stairs and out the side door of the house that was attached to the 2nd floor bedroom. In my minds eye it looked like a black scribble of wool which flew by at a break neck speed and I could feel it leave the house as it flew out. What lingered behind was a feeling of golden warmth. Something to this day I can not explain either.

I sat there stunned for a moment and realized where I was and that I was not alone. I slowly looked up and made eye contact with J. I am not sure which of us said it first or if we said it at the same time but “Did you see that?” came out of one of our mouths and we both kind of freaked out at that moment. I think he was trying to be brave for me because he just sat there nonchalant for a few minutes until I finally asked if can we go outside. I needed to get out of that room for a moment. Not because the dark feeling lingered in the room but because I had to be someplace else just for a moment to snap me back into reality. We did not dwell on what had happened and started to talk about something else once we were out of there. I think we both just needed to process what happened.

This occurrence has stuck with us both for years. We have talked about it since and I believe we both took away something different from it. I still can’t say I believe in ghost, demons or the supernatural but I will say again there is something out there that science has yet to explain. That much I know for sure.

 

Information on Laurel Canyon:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laurel_Canyon,_Los_Angeles

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What’s in the Box?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on August 30, 2016 by shebatt

Last weekend I flew down to LA to attend my ex-husband’s memorial. We had been married and divorced over 20 years ago, but in the 20 years after the divorce we had not only learned to become friends again we became really good friends. The loss was really difficult considering it came one year (almost to the day) after the loss of one my best friends of 33 years.

The memorial was at his oldest brother’s home with family and a few friends there to share stories and the grief of losing someone as wonderful as him. When I arrived his longtime girlfriend (and a friend to me) showed me a Halloween prop that my ex and I had made years before, he wanted to give to me but just had never gotten it to me. The prop is a talking skull which does need a lot of work to get working again but it is clearly a skull.

In the course of the day I had talked to his oldest brother about my ex’s girlfriend and myself getting some of his ashes. We both felt such a strong connection to him we were hoping it would be okay with the family if we both had some of his ashes to treasure and hold onto in our lives. We spoke about it briefly and were distracted by others around us.

As my sister and I were saying our goodbyes, I pulled the skull out of the girlfriend’s car and set it on a garden wall in front of the house and started to pull myself together. While saying our last goodbyes and having final conversations with people I started talking to the wife of his oldest brother. I told her about the conversation her husband and I had about the ashes. She and I talked about it for a few minutes but nothing to detailed.

What I did not know was at that moment standing behind me was his other brother’s new wife (who is from Mexico and understands more English then she speaks but still not completely fluent) who was over hearing this conversation about the ashes. She happen to be standing right by where I set the box with the Halloween prop skull in it and asked my sister “What’s in the box?”

This was all told to me later in the car by my sister.

Without thinking my sister answered “The Head”. My sister said the look of horror and confusion on her face was undeniable added in with a sheepish “Ha?” So my sister added “The skeleton head” which only made this poor woman more shocked, horrified and again her voice cracked out a small dry “Ha?” Finally my sister realized what she was saying and tried to make it very clear to this poor woman “It is a Halloween prop they made back when they were married.” My sister said the poor woman found some relief in knowing it was not my ex-husband’s head in the box but still was reeling from the horror of the idea.

I am not sure how much longer after that conversation I saw her looking at the skull in the box but I kind of shooed her away from it knowing it is falling apart and breaking. I am kind of protective of it. I am not sure if she had a good look at it or not or realized it was really fake. I did not even know about the conversation she had with my sister until we were a few miles down the freeway where she told me and we both just laughed.

 

 

 

 

Another Loss

Posted in Just thinking with tags , , , on August 4, 2016 by shebatt

One year and four days after my friend Marcus passed away my ex husband who I had stayed good friends with through the years, had a heart attack and died. It was unexpected and another blow to my soul.

Grief is a strange thing. It comes in waves and sometimes just leaves you numb.Like the song Lament from Ultravox says, The twist in my life starts healing, just to twist again.

I believe the sadness never truly leaves you, you just become stronger around it.

Time to focus on something new and different. Time to focus on next years trip or something positive, that is what helps me get through times like this…

The song link below is something I have not been able to listen to since Marcus died last year but in time maybe in time.

 

My Life, My Year

Posted in Just thinking with tags , , on July 14, 2016 by shebatt
I am coming up on the one year anniversary of the death of one of my oldest and dearest friends. He and I had been friends for 33 years. It was pointed out to me by another long, long time friend, I knew him longer then I knew my own mother who died when I was only 21. It has not been an easy year and to make matters worst my brother and I have not spoken in the last year either. He hurt my feelings really badly last year and has still not offered an apology and well I have pretty much given up on getting one.

With all of that in mind I still go on and live my life. As you may (or not) know I went to Italy last year in spring and then to Scotland this spring. Traveling is one of the only things that brings me peace. Being someplace new and seeing a part of this world I have not seen yet, feeds my sad soul. It is not that I forget my sorrows it just reminds me there is so much more to life then my personal sorrows. It helps me remember how small my life is compared to the rest of the world. It also reminds me how alone I am on this planet. Not lonely but just alone.

Next year I might not have S to travel with me since her husband is making noise about a family trip, so I am trying to figure out where to go next, possibly alone. Since Jr. high school Peru has called to me and I am considering answering that call. Peru and Bolivia is what I am thinking of, all in one trip. Machu Picchu, Nazca, Lake Titicaca, and Salar de Uyuni (the Bolivian Salt Flats).

Funny but other places calling me are England, France and Turkey. Sure England would be easiest since I speak the language but who know where I will end up next year. I will keep you posted.

I can say this though I hope the coming year is not as sad as the one I just lived.

My GT6

Posted in Just thinking with tags , , on September 15, 2014 by shebatt

Years ago I owned a midnight blue 1968 Triumph GT6, (for you that don’t know what that is, it is a type of car, see photo below) with a personal license plate saying Mean GT6.  It was and still is my all time favorite car. Which is saying a lot since in my life time I have owned about 30 cars and trucks of all different types.

gt6

 

I had many adventures in that car both good and bad, but mostly great. I was sad the day I totaled it on Hwy 17 just north east of Santa Cruz CA. Being a thing I have long since let the disappointment of loosing it go but that does not mean I would not want another if I found one for sale.

One of my favorite moments in that car is mixed with bad and happy memories. It was 1992, Los Angeles, California and the city was a mess of riots due to the Rodney King trial.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1992_Los_Angeles_riots

I was living in Sherman Oaks, which is a nicer neighborhood but I was just on the edge of Van Nuys, so not as nice an area. The riots had brought the national guard to our streets and curfew to our lives. The uniforms were standing at the end of my block with guns at ready.  It felt like the world was coming to an end for me, since at that exact time in my life I was going through the personal hell called divorce. My marriage of 7 years was coming to an ugly end. My husband and I were fighting battles right in our own living room with no escape to outside. No place felt safe at that time.

One afternoon while off of work I decided to drive up to a friends house/cabin located in the little town of Frazier Park, which is up the grapevine hwy and tucked into the mountains about an hour or so from my house. I just had to leave the valley. My dear friend Jon (who was also going though a person hell/separation at the time) was with me and also just needed to get away from the negative feelings which hung like wool over the area. The drive up over the grapevine was beautiful and refreshing. Neither of us said much we both just watched the trees and mountains go by.

As we pulled off the freeway and stopped at the red light at the end of the off ramp, I looked into my review mirror. There behind me was a Triumph TR3 an even more rare car than mine. Next to me was a Triumph Spitfire and behind him another Triumph. The next thing we know we are surrounded by Triumphs. It was a very surreal moment. Here I was in this incredibly rare car surrounded by others just as rare as mine, made by the same company.

The drivers of the other cars were looking at me with a “who the hell are you?” look, while Jon and I looked at them thinking “Where the hell did you all come from?” We were all on the same freeway, why did we not see them there while driving? The light changed and the next thing we know they were all gone as quickly as they came. To this day I don’t know where they went. They did not follow us into town or even follow us off the freeway. I have a feeling they saw us while on a Road Rally and pulled off the freeway when we did thinking we were part of it and maybe having issues with our car or something. When they saw we were not part of their group they went straight though the light and got back on the freeway. Again I did not see where they went, they were just gone. I am guessing as to where they went.

Jon and went to my friends house and hung out for a short while but he was feeling ill at ease and so we left.  We were both a little beside ourselves those days so I understood his wanting to leave.

I will never forget that day. It was a moment of bazaar coincidences in a stressful time.

Another funnier GT6 story yet to come…..

 

 

The Song on the Radio

Posted in Just thinking with tags , on September 11, 2014 by shebatt
the song on the radio is playing bitter sweet memories

filling me with tears of love lost and joy misplaced.

is it the reminders of times so dear that keep us going in times of trouble
or is it the hope of happiness to come that keep us striving?

Writing About Pain

Posted in Batt Rantts with tags , , on May 22, 2014 by shebatt

When I was younger I could write pages and pages about the pain I was feeling. The passion would pour out of my hand and onto the page with only a pencil holding me back. The agony of being young and broken hearted gave way to lyrics, poems and any other form of cathartic scribblings on a page, leaving the gray of graphite all over my hands and the whites of the paper, the words would flow.

Since then, for years, I have only written when something really inspired it out of me. Putting my gift of words away trying to forget I can write, as if it would take away the pain from my life. Putting my soul in the cigar box of forget me nots waiting for a rainy day of reminiscing though my past, a day I hope will never come. I have gone so far as to deny my spirit even exists, so I don’t have to answer to it and ask for it’s forgiveness from my heart. The same heart that has thrown itself at countless tragedies hoping for a moment of love. When it has never quite learned to love itself.

Now hurt wells up inside of me with little release. I fear the epic verses hidden in the darkness of my self induced
torment. But the ache is there I know it is. It reminds me with unwanted tears at inopportune moments. Sometime I even wonder if I have carried a broke heart from every past life I could have lived, still trying to get it right.

I can write about not writing, I can even admit to the sorrow I feel. But my heart is still just too heavy to find the words for a lifetime of wretchedness. I believe we never let go of the pain in life, we just become stronger. Carrying it with us where ever we go, until something comes along and knocks us down, magnifying the misery to despair.

If I could only find the one true word from what I feel.